Three fucking days! Or at least two for sure, and the start of the third! NO mia behaviors. None, whatsoever, at all! I am like so proud of myself. I even feel healthier! But without mia, ana kinda takes over. So I'm nervous about all the dinners I'll have to eat this week, let alone tonight possibly. I already got out of breakfast- don't think they'll let anything else slide today.
Hmm what else? School starts in EIGHT days! I'm so nervous but excited to start at Mentor; it's huge with so many opportunities of meeting many many amazing people. No one knows me either, they don't know my past which is what everyone used to base me on and judge me on. But not anymore. ;)
Also that party Friday night I did not attend. Screw you Colin, only wanting me to 'hook up' with. I love the kid, truly do. But when he pulls shit like this it makes me not even want to talk to him ever again!
Adam; Oh dear, I miss him terribly. I write him letters and he always replies and he's so into me. He trusts me which is good and says that I've stuck around through all of his dumb shit so he's going to try and stay sober for me. What a sweetie! :)
But I don't know if my feelings for him are like that too; I do like him, I am attracted to him to a certain degree though, and I don't like being tied down. I hate it! Like for real, I have commitment problems! Hahah like I can't do relationships right now because I want to be free; there are so many more people out there and I don't want to settle for just one. I want to play the field for a while, not be a slut or anything, as in hooking up with every guy I see, just you know, get to know them, flirt, have fun!
I want guys to treat me with respect already, because I know I deserve at least that much from them.
And anyways, yeah that's about it. Me schedule for the week as of today;
Monday; In the morning I meet with my counselor at the high school and get my schedule all sorted out. After that I'm going shopping with Kelly - super sweet lady, my CASA worker (speaks for me in court) and she takes time out of her life to help me in mine. Love her, she's just awesome. And then hopefully she won't take me out to eat, I can't do it. (YET! That is) And then at 7 I meet with my counselor Korrine. She's cute, I love her too. I basically bullshit my way through it so I'm not sent to residential for ED but now I can honestly say I am not having mia behaviors! Woooohoooo! :)
Tuesday; Currently is open. Maybe make it a day for myself, dye hair, work out, clean/organize room?
Wednesday; orientation, 8am-12. Then a meeting with my whole support team in the evening, I don't know what is going to come of it, but hopefully they don't send me away for ED. Ko rrine will put her input on it and since I've been journaling for her and reporting no behavoirs she can't say anythign against me. My potassium came back normal, from supposedly not taking potassium pills, aha. I really have to find them and buy some. And Dr. Rowane thinks I'm doing good as well, so I mean I don't think I'm going anywhere for that matter.
After that I'm not doing a thing. Getting ready for the big first day of school I guess, hah. It'll be okay.
Hope everyone is doing a beautiful as I am right now! :)
Muuuchh love. ♥

Today's one of those days where you feel so high on your meds, you kinda go crazy.
Haha excuse my weirdness.
Tonight = partyhardy! Colin is going to pick me up and we're going to "spend the night together" !
Ahhhhh! I was so excited yesterday, now I feel like I don't even want to go. It's like retarded. I wish my friends were going, I'd totally invite them but I don't even know the house or the kid who's having  it, hah. Colin colin colin colin. What to do with myself.
About six hours away frm the start of the night ;)
Butterflies and everything; it almost feels like I have to poo but I don't! Odd!?
My mind is like in a bubble right now, I couldn't explain to you right now what I'm feeling. Nervous, excited, scared, like I have to poo, butterflies EATING OUT MY STOMACH!
I wish, haha they need to take this gordo off of me!
-It's also decided that I'm going to lose five pounds before school starts which is the 29th. I think I can really do it, I mean I know I can but how committed am I really, you know?
Hmm I don't know what I'm going to wear tonight, Probably something sexy haha and I'm getting my drink on! Hell yeah, about fucking time; I went all summer without partying. Damn you probation! But then again, I'm going to be sneaking out all the time when school starts and parties are going down. I'm just excited but nervous and scared and I don't know.
No I'm not scared. I have no fear.
Honestly. Release fear from your life and you'll become happier, lighter, freeeee and at peace with your true inner self. ♥
I'm sweating like balls not really, I don't even know how balls sweat or whatever guys say haha but I'm hot and I gotta go. I hope tonight is okay...

Lovely cover I must say.

 

Doesn't it just feel like these two pictures in some way correlate with each other?Above and below;

I feel like I have to rely on taking medication to feel better. I don't want to have to take pills every single morning when I wake up or during the day or before I go to bed! I want to naturally feel good.

My legs (below) Her legs (above)

I wish mine could look like that..

I tried calling the doctor all morning. Okay not really all morning, more like an hour ago and they should be open by eight o'clock? I was on hold for too long so I just hung up, called twice and no one was there! I will try again when I'm done here. And after I pee again, ahaha. ;)

Herbs to Calm Anxiety;Angelica - is considered a tonic to improve well-being and mental harmony.
Capsicum - was Grandma’s favorite catalyst herb for good reason. It carries all other herbs quickly to the part of the body where they are most needed and increases their effectiveness. It is considered by herbalists everywhere to be a supreme and harmless internal disinfectant. It is unequalled for warding off disease. It is known as the purest and best stimulant in the herbal kingdom.
Ginseng - is King of the herbs in the orient. It is said to stimulate the entire body energy to overcome stress, fatigue and weakness.
Hops - are famous for their sedative powers. They are an excellent nervine for calming stress and overcoming insomnia.

Oatstraw - is a powerful stimulant that is good for many, many things. It has benefits too numerous to count. It has antiseptic properties and is a natural preventative for contagious disease. Grandma drank oatstraw tea daily.
Rosemary - is a good cooling tea when there is restlessness, nervousness, and insomnia.
Valerian - is a strong nervine and is very helpful for insomnia. It produces a calming sedative effect, and has been used as a tranquilizer but leaves one feeling refreshed rather than sluggish. It is known to be a safe non-narcotic herbal sedative. Grandma used it for anxiety. 

 

I love that quote because it is so true.

Feeling inspirational.
I love blonde girls, even though I am one I feel like I'll never be as pretty as all of the others. I think I'm not very pretty at all, and all these girls are gorgeous. ♥

Day One

Hi, my name's Megan. :)
This blog is for me to let loose, really put everything out there. I have another blog with this site, which I may or may not relate with this one. I just wanted something new, some place fresh and clean with no past.
Starting a new school where I know absolutely no one, and nobody knows me is exciting. I can't wait to start and walk through those doors to a whole new world. All the people I will meet, all the new opportunities that my old life couldn't give me. I am just so open to everything that life is presenting to me!
Well, I'm going to get my blog all set up. Feel free to comment on anything I post, your opinions are always welcome. Have a lovely day everyone!